I just want this project done! That’s how I approach most of the things I want to get done. I want it over, in the can, done, edited, uploaded, distribution, reactions. Auditions…I must have lost a few pounds doing this. Callbacks weren’t as bad. Auditions are very necessary and so are callbacks. Each legitimize the project and legitimize the actor. And when they were completed I was happy to begin directing. But then they weren’t done because some people left the project, became unavailable, couldn’t commit. So the stress of this process never came to a close for me…it went on. I had to revisit the experience. I loved so many actors who came. Some decisions were very hard and I learned what it meant to say “we went another way”. Choices of energy in a person. Some energies are great. Others are almost there. And others, are great but not my energy and may lead to issues. Focus on the goal and hope these energies focus on the goal so that conflicting energies only see the goal and don’t conflict for the sake of that goal. I could never be a casting director. Why cast and then not work with what you have cast? That is the only way to see the process come to fruition. Since I am directing, I could only be the casting director. I can see not picking the people to bring in but for darn sure I’d have to be there and pick who is cast myself, lead the adjustments during the audition process. My eyes glued at all times to the auditioner, watching and waiting to see the element of attachment of self to the words and also the character. Will either be there instantly or appear in glimmers that inform me that the actor is workable, and hope that the actor will be open to being workable. Regretfully forgetting to ask the actor questions that inform me of their character, their flexibility of mind, disposition. Hope that those who are not my friends I have cast will be best. So great to cast myself. So great to master my own project so that I can help others as I help myself. This is the little engine that could. Still an engine, even though it is little. And I can tell you one thing, this ain’t no caboose.

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